April 22th, 2017
Today I had 2 qualification exams in the morning and one English exam in the afternoon. The qualification is not hard. There are 4 problems in total, I got three and I just wrote random things on the last one.
The English exam on the other hand, is really easy for me. That one is based on a TOEIC test but there’s no listening and the reading is only 40 questions long. So every time there is this kind of exam, I get really cocky. I believe I can finish it ahead a lot of time and get almost maximum score, without even trying, which is reality. I got 2 wrong in today exam at first but then I asked for a new answer sheet and marked again.
But getting cocky over something like this is something I should not do. Sure there is a lot of people are still struggling with this kind of exam but I should not compare myself to them. I took the TOEFL and got a decent score so of course these kind of exams is a walk in the park to me. It’s like taking candy from a child.
If I still feel like this, that means I still lack of confident. To be honest, I am still insecure about the exam. I expect to get every answer right, that’s my goal. It’s kind of frustrated when I get one answer wrong and it was a stupid one. I had the pressure to finish it perfectly since I am bragging about my English so much, not just with other but to myself as well.
On the other hand, there are lots of people who are better at English than me. My TOEFL is not that high. Of course, those are often working in profession that require special English skills but still. I can only have my English as my strong point, it pointless if I don’t compare myself to the professional. Sure, my English is good for an engineer but my engineering skill sucks. I feel like a jack of all trades because of this. Another reason is that I don’t particular like anything, I feel like I can take on anything at a decent level. But that’s just plain mediocre. The Red Mage in Final Fantasy describe my dilemma perfectly. He can use sword, black and white magic. He is fun to use but not exceptionally strong. He is versatile so he can be useful until mid game. But in late game, he sure lacks the power.
The origin saying, however, goes:” Jack of all trades, master of none, but better than a master of one.” In real life, you don’t have to deal with a force that’s destroying the world. The Red Mage will do just fine, plus he can do all kind of thing, and he can do it all on his own. That’s what I like about the Red Mage. Life is all about fun, no? Well, a better expression is life is all about experience. And a diversity of experience might give the best life. Of course, he can never use the strongest black magic but he can have the taste of the other high rank one, plus white magic and sword. Why isn’t there a game feature a main character as a Red Mage yet? An adventurer, travels from place to place, a Red Mage is the perfect class. Knight, Blk Mage. Wht Mage are all devote themselves to one thing and be the best at it. They are all the classes that seem to work for the King or something like that. But Red Mage is kind of a free soul, wandering. That being said, Red Mage is trash in the game. He can do anything also mean he can’t do anything good. Nevertheless, there different classes in the original FF game as well, like thief or monk. The world is more diverse and complex than just a few job assign to some people.
After all that, the problem is I am not even mediocre in a variety of things yet. I still have much to learn. Beside my mechanical engineering degree and my English, I am pretty much don’t know anything about other fields. Philosophy and psychology maybe? I had just finished an introduction course for philosophy. Oh, and I can draw a little. What else? I’m improving my style so I’m looking into that. There are so much aspects I want to develop myself on. I don’t have any ambition to develop my engineering knowledge though, despite that’s currently being my main occupation. Probably because I don’t know which direction I will go next. Currently, I just want to finish this master degree and explore Korea as mush as I can.
I didn’t expect that rant about the English exam turned into a Red Mage rant. Well, maybe I should play FFI again.